Yeah you know the drill...

... Or maybe you dont.

Yes you kind of now how this post is gonna be because this is not going to be some peace loving, oh I am so happy post. This post will still be me, and when it is me I am sorry to say it but, it just cant be happy posts.

I am not a happy personl. I once was a happy person, but some boys from my early school, quicly took that way and smashed it to the ground, and started to jump on it, together with the rest of my feelings.

I am a stupid person, even though I am smart, I act stupid and say stupid things to people. To prove it you could take a look at this girl I know, most of the time when I write something to this girl there is three options of what I am writing.
I might write something unrelevant, like good morning og good night.
I might write something because I need attention, and I feel sorry for my self.
And last I might write something where I call her stupid, clumbsy or other stuff lie that.

I am filled with hatred. A hatred to me, the people who have bullied me but also to the people who call them my friends. I hate my friends because they are way to good to me, and I dont feel like I deserve it because I hate myself as well.

I am a closed person, to most people. I have only opened to a few people, and non of them have I opened to completely. There is three people who I have really opened myself to, one is the girl I mentioned earlier in this post, another one is a boy from my school who helped me and last but definitely not least another girl who as well have helped me a lot.

I am a monster. I at least see my self as a monster, a monster leech who lives on my friends. Just to keep my self up from sinking to the bottom I have to use them, and by doing that I am pushing them downwards closer to that thing I am trying to escape.

But...

I do have a heart, and some times I would wish I did not. I have a lot of mixed up feelings every day. I wake up and I am totally neutral, but then I always sents a text to this one girl. When I have sent the text I am feeling differently, then I am in a better mood, but also in a worse mood. I am in a better mood because I have friends like her,but in a worse because we still are away from eachother.

And to end this post, I have a little poem I wrote.

I am walking down the stream.
The stream so fresh but warm.
I follow the stream to the source.
I walk out in the middle to spring.
I cant resist to taste it.
I love the taste, the taste of iron.
At this point I realize where I am.
I realize I am on my own arm.
I had walked from my palm up my arm.
I realize it isn't water, it is my own blood.
That is the last I realize before I let i come.
Before I let the  darkness come and subdue me.

I am still trying to keep my soul together.
Sajro