I have today taken a decision...
I have this friendship with a girl, and I have been really confused about it... I love this friendship, but I am afraid it will end up hurting eachother...
I am feeling this friendship braking up because of me... And maybe it is the best that could happen for both of us...
... But I have made the decision that I won't give up on this friendship... I will do everything I can to keep this friendship.
Keep ypur friends...
Sajro
13 March 2012
6 March 2012
Alone...
Yeah this is how I am feeling right know...
I am feeling really alone, and feeling alone for me often leads to something stupid, which often is cutting. This is often how I start to feel when I dont have my friends to talk to, and I am afraid of talking to them, mostly because my doctor never meant there was anything seriously wrong with me...
When my doctor didn't blelieve that anything was really wrong with me, I started believing that I was just being stupid and I should just handle this my self. I have sort of started to belive that I am just fooling myself bt thinking that I should have help, and even thinking that talking with my friends is just bullshit...
And on top of this I am really just ragin out, and I want to scream, but I can't make myself scream because I have people living in the same building as me, and they shouldn't hear me screaming. Because of me being so furious and that I am raging out like this, I am afraid of talking to my friend, but on the other hand I really wan't to speak to her, but if I hurt her I am really going to break, and that would be for good...
Life... Death... Body... Soul... Faith... Weakness... What is the difference?..
Sajro
I am feeling really alone, and feeling alone for me often leads to something stupid, which often is cutting. This is often how I start to feel when I dont have my friends to talk to, and I am afraid of talking to them, mostly because my doctor never meant there was anything seriously wrong with me...
When my doctor didn't blelieve that anything was really wrong with me, I started believing that I was just being stupid and I should just handle this my self. I have sort of started to belive that I am just fooling myself bt thinking that I should have help, and even thinking that talking with my friends is just bullshit...
And on top of this I am really just ragin out, and I want to scream, but I can't make myself scream because I have people living in the same building as me, and they shouldn't hear me screaming. Because of me being so furious and that I am raging out like this, I am afraid of talking to my friend, but on the other hand I really wan't to speak to her, but if I hurt her I am really going to break, and that would be for good...
Life... Death... Body... Soul... Faith... Weakness... What is the difference?..
Sajro
4 March 2012
Short...
This is gonna be an extremely short post...
I have one thing to say, and this is to a certain person...
WHY?!!! FUCK YOU!!!
Why even live... We all gonna die one day...
Sajro
I have one thing to say, and this is to a certain person...
WHY?!!! FUCK YOU!!!
Why even live... We all gonna die one day...
Sajro
3 March 2012
I hate my fucking life...
To day I am having a real bad day...
I am sitting at home, this time I am sitting at my childhood home, in my bed alone in the house. I dont know what to do, other than texting with a certain person, but she doesnt answer me...
I hate when she does not answer me, because then I start to think, and when I start to think I start to feel like a loser with no friends and nothing in my life that is worth living for...
I dont do stupid things like suicide because deep inside I am still hoping for that special thing to happen, the thing that would make me a happy person or atleast help me to become a happy person...
But I am 99% sure that, it is never going to happen. Then if i never happens I should just forget how badly I want it to happen. Then again if I do not believe it is possible I could pull "it" off, and that would not be good, because I am afraid what i would do to my friends...
My friends, here we are only realitively speaking because I am still not sure if I have any real friends, or if they are my friends just to make me feel that somone cares about me...
It is hard to feel that way, because it keeps running around my head that it is the only reason they act like my friends, but if they really are my friends I would hate myself for ever having thought this about them...
Yeah I am having a bad day, so I would love to sleep but I dont dare I am so afraid of it...
Your body is the prison of your soul... It is also the shield of your soul...
Sajro
I am sitting at home, this time I am sitting at my childhood home, in my bed alone in the house. I dont know what to do, other than texting with a certain person, but she doesnt answer me...
I hate when she does not answer me, because then I start to think, and when I start to think I start to feel like a loser with no friends and nothing in my life that is worth living for...
I dont do stupid things like suicide because deep inside I am still hoping for that special thing to happen, the thing that would make me a happy person or atleast help me to become a happy person...
But I am 99% sure that, it is never going to happen. Then if i never happens I should just forget how badly I want it to happen. Then again if I do not believe it is possible I could pull "it" off, and that would not be good, because I am afraid what i would do to my friends...
My friends, here we are only realitively speaking because I am still not sure if I have any real friends, or if they are my friends just to make me feel that somone cares about me...
It is hard to feel that way, because it keeps running around my head that it is the only reason they act like my friends, but if they really are my friends I would hate myself for ever having thought this about them...
Yeah I am having a bad day, so I would love to sleep but I dont dare I am so afraid of it...
Your body is the prison of your soul... It is also the shield of your soul...
Sajro
1 March 2012
The friend...
I hate myself today, because of how I have been acting and treated a friend of mine. She is, right now, the dearest I care about.
She tries to help me ande make me feel better, but I just wont listen to her. I cant make myself listen to her. She can tell me I am a good person and a very good friend, but I just dont believe her.
I am, in my own head, a monster. I am a monster worse than serial killers and mass murderes. I often reach that point where not even my friends meen anything to me. I can sit and think about how I would like them to die, or at least just disappear, but often I realise that the only right thing would be if I died or disappeared and not them.
I am afraid that I am going to cut myself again... I have this feeling that I have done so much wrong today and yesterday, that I can only make it disappear by bleeding i t out... I am going to wait some time before sleeping so I might not do it...
Protect your friends... Form yourself.
Sajro
She tries to help me ande make me feel better, but I just wont listen to her. I cant make myself listen to her. She can tell me I am a good person and a very good friend, but I just dont believe her.
I am, in my own head, a monster. I am a monster worse than serial killers and mass murderes. I often reach that point where not even my friends meen anything to me. I can sit and think about how I would like them to die, or at least just disappear, but often I realise that the only right thing would be if I died or disappeared and not them.
I am afraid that I am going to cut myself again... I have this feeling that I have done so much wrong today and yesterday, that I can only make it disappear by bleeding i t out... I am going to wait some time before sleeping so I might not do it...
Protect your friends... Form yourself.
Sajro
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