I have a question...

Yes I have a question and I would love to hear from people who is reading my blog. I want to hear respons from bot people I know outside blogger and people I dont know out side blogger.

Here comes the question:

Is it wrong of me, to sometime imagining and maybe even hoping for some of my friends to get hurt, or really close to getting hurt, just so it is possible for me to help them?

Maybe it is a simple question but I am really lost about it...

I love my friends, and afraid of losing them...
Sajro

Me and my friends, or is it enemies?

I hate my sleep, and I am sort of afraid of sleeping. I know it is weird to be afraid of it, but I usually have some bad dreams when I sleep, and that makes me often wake up in the middle of the night, not bathed in sweat as many people say they do. I usually wake up, and feel like a monster, because I usually do not feel a thing, just like no feelings at all. I realized some time back that the only reason I have these bad dreams and nightmares, is because I have friends, and that is why I am not sure they are friends.

I woke up this morning, or actually it was night, and I could not go back to sleep. I had a nightmare of me walking on some stairs upwards, and then I met this girl that have done so much for me, and she stopped me. She turned around and said to me that she could never see me again, and then I said no to it and that I didnt want her to leave my life, but she pushed me away and i fell down the stairs and she was smiling. When I stopped falling, I was laying on the floor and then this other girl walked by, this girl have helped me a lot too, and I was thinking that she would help me, but the only thing she did was talking, about that I should never let people so close, and I should never make people help me so much, because I am pushing them away. After saying that she walked away and I woke up.

I am losing myself, and my soul.
Sajro

Once again... I ask... WHY!!!

Once again I have to ask the question why, and this time it is, why, to a lot of things. I keep asking my self why do I even have friends when I cant do anything good for them, Instead I just keep dragging them down towards my level of life. It is not easy being me, but my life is easy compared to their life. I have them to rely on but the only thing the can rely on is that I am going to drag them down.

Then I am going to ask why is it the I am so hard to hurt, why is that even that person that boy I am seeing as my very best friend keeps hurting me, not like I am asking why he is doing it but more like why do I let him do it. I hate it, I really hat my life when that happens, everything else that have been happening is nothing compared to the pain when he manages to hurt me, and it is easy for him, because hw knows so many of my secrets and they hold the power to destroy me.

Then I would like to ask this. Why is that I have to have feelings for someone I know I can never get. Why cant i just remove those feelings. I really vant do it, and when I try I sometimes manage to lock thos feelings away, but then I see her face on a picture or I see her name, and those feelings come rushing in on me again, and they hurt me, I am really afraid that I have to cut all connection to her, even when I know how hard that is gonna be for me, but maybe I should just tell her that I cant be friends with her anymore because I am afraid she is going to crush me from my inside and out, not because I think she is trying to do so, but because what she brings up in me, is making me crush my self.

Listen to you feelings... And when they are done complaining... Destroy them.
Sajro