Me and my friends, or is it enemies?

I hate my sleep, and I am sort of afraid of sleeping. I know it is weird to be afraid of it, but I usually have some bad dreams when I sleep, and that makes me often wake up in the middle of the night, not bathed in sweat as many people say they do. I usually wake up, and feel like a monster, because I usually do not feel a thing, just like no feelings at all. I realized some time back that the only reason I have these bad dreams and nightmares, is because I have friends, and that is why I am not sure they are friends.

I woke up this morning, or actually it was night, and I could not go back to sleep. I had a nightmare of me walking on some stairs upwards, and then I met this girl that have done so much for me, and she stopped me. She turned around and said to me that she could never see me again, and then I said no to it and that I didnt want her to leave my life, but she pushed me away and i fell down the stairs and she was smiling. When I stopped falling, I was laying on the floor and then this other girl walked by, this girl have helped me a lot too, and I was thinking that she would help me, but the only thing she did was talking, about that I should never let people so close, and I should never make people help me so much, because I am pushing them away. After saying that she walked away and I woke up.

I am losing myself, and my soul.
Sajro