Those tears!

Goddammit I was in a semi good mood, earlier because i was thinking of tommorow, but then out of nowhere I just got sad, extremely sad, but I have one major problem, I cant cry I just cant make those tears come out and take the pain with them, often these sad feelings just build up and pushes me closer and closer to the point where I have to escape from this world of senceless pain to my soul, I am a person who can withstand serious amount of physical pain, because I have been beaten when i was younger, about 13-14 years I believe I stood up to a couple of bullies who where bullieng another boy from a paralel class, but what came out of that he was bullied even more and I was beaten, and got my head smashed into a radiator, this was normal for me, that someone did something physically painfull to me, but that I could take, but when they started to go on and make it hit my feelings and emotions, it was too much at that time I was a boy who showed hes feeling when they got to me, but know i only show them if I am pushed to it. Goddammit I wish i could cry right now, because I dont want to go back the road of pain to escape, this goddamned world where the meanest often get away, I hate it so much.

I am that person who seems so happy to the people araound me who doesnt know me, but when you get to know me I slowly opens up, never fully, and lets you take a peek at the real me, a persone who is waging war against the demons from the past, the person who cant win that war alone, that person who really needs hes friends, that person who will lose that war without them and if I do I will never be the same again, I will be a person who at some points could remind you of a murder who is just murdering for the fun, because he doesnt have feeling and emotions no ethics and morale doesnt know good from bad, and just thinks everything he can do is right. I am, when i get in this mood, really cold from emotions and feelings, the single thing that makes us apart from the animals, I lose it everytime I lose a battle in the war, right untill my friends help me retake ground i really hope that one day they will help me win this war by making peace with those demons.

and I am so glad you are here to help me, because one of you is enough to keep hundreds of those demons away^^
Finally I realize what you really meen to me, and that you really are my friends.

Thank you, thank you, thank you^^'

protect your soul- espacially from those demons from the past.
Sajro